They Should Be Embarrassed

So you're the second-string quarterback for the Cincinnati Bengals.

You've been put into the game on a cold, blustery Sunday night at Giants' Stadium against the New York Jets. Your team's record is 10-5. The Jets' record is 8-7.

The score is 30-0. You're losing.

You're losing because nobody feels like playing tonight. Despite the fact that you could have the third seed in the playoffs instead of the fourth--a difference that may, or may not matter, depending whether or not you keep winning and somebody else doesn't--your team has decided not to play very hard. Too many players must figure that they're going to make the playoffs anyhow, and with a home game in the first round to boot, so let's get this one over with.

The Jets absolutely need this win to make the playoffs. They come out spitting fire. They run the ball right at your defense and do it well.

The starting quarterback for your team has completed one pass of ten for zero yards. He has hit four receivers right in the hands, and they've dropped the ball. One of throws was quite deep, and your team could have scored some points.

In the meantime, nobody wants to stay outside in this horribly cold weather. But the game must be finished, and 30 points down, the coach wants you to finish it.

So you get something very rare tonight: A first down. You've moved the ball into Jets' territory. Here it gets fascinating.

You call for a new formation on the line of scrimmage. Nobody seems to know where to go. You leave the center, point people to their new positions--and the play clock runs out before you have a chance to call time out. So you have a five-yard penalty for delay of game.

This is followed by not one, but two, false starts. Now it's first-and-25. You fade back to pass, and are sacked. Now, it's second-and-forever. This does not make the weather any warmer, either.

You're thinking, at this point: They're paying me what to do this?

And I, as a fan, am thinking, Somebody thinks this is entertainment?

The announcers, also freezing in the booth, are trying hard to pretend that this represents competent football. They can't, either.

This isn't the only game in which one team could easily have faxed in the final score and been better off not reporting to the stadium; the New York Giants were embarrassing, as well, in their final loss of the season to the Minnesota Vikings.

And, of course, the Indianapolis Colts' management already decided not to pursue an unbeaten regular season--which would have been only the third in league history--for the sake of preserving its players for the playoff run. Maybe they'll be right.

The Jets are glad for it. They won last week, too, setting up yet another tanking of efforts by a playoff-bound team so they could slide right into the fray.

So you're the second-string quarterback for the Cincinnati Bengals and you're thinking: What kind of a team am I playing for?